In addition, while the “siblingification” of a marriage may happen again, there’s a difference between staring down 30 years of it in a marriage that has already turned stale and a new, exciting relationship that slowly becomes more companionate as you grow older. And some people don’t want to divide their love between two people, it affects both relationships, and it seems entirely possible that a clean divorce and a new relationship would be better for all involved. Maybe a little easier as an older woman than an older man, but still, you’re significantly limiting your dating pool if whoever you date has to be OK with a polyam or monogamish relationship. It’s true that she’d been given a green light to date outside the marriage, but that is difficult, especially if you’re older. I was surprised at Dan’s advice for the woman whose husband had given up sex. Randy had some thoughts about my advice for a woman in a sexless marriage on this week’s Lovecast: I’d love to hear more about alien fantasies, as those fantasies coincide with songs I craft, although I knew nothing about those fantasies when I started writing them. I always have my earphones on, and I’m always listening to your soft preacher’s voice. I’m a recent convert to your podcast and it’s a real trap. Regarding a recent conversation on the Lovecast about alien dick dildos that lay eggs… I would be curious to hear from my cis female readers on this: If your partner thinks you might be suffering from PMDD… should he bring that up? And if so, when? And how? ![]() And for good reason: for centuries men dismissed women’s entirely reasonable and justifiably furious complaints about sexual harassment, employment discrimination, marital rape, wage gaps, orgasm gaps, their inability to get a credit card, etc., etc., by shrugging and saying, “Huh, must be that time of the month.” Again, I mentioned PMDD during Savage Love Live and I should’ve brought it up on the Lovecast too. So, even if you noticed a pattern-say, three weeks of calm rationality followed by one week wearwolfing-it wasn’t something you should bring up. But just as a cis male might be blind to PMDD, some cis men-particularly cis men my age and older-were taught that it was never okay to suggest that a woman’s anger might have something to do with her menstrual cycle. ![]() ![]() Then I recorded a response for the Lovecast and… failed to bring that PMDD. I answered that same question during Savage Love Live and brought up PMDD. I think your caller should learn about hormonal mood disorders, learn about the different phases of the menstrual cycle, and for fucks sake the caller should NOT call her a werewolf-unless she decided she likes it, in which case I’m all in too, it’s sadly kinda accurate. A little empathy for the woman who is dealing with hormonal problems that are completely invisible to the outside world, especially cis men. ![]() It felt like a pretty big leap to call her a cowgirl. It sounded to me that the caller’s partner was happy with their arrangement three out of the four weeks of the month. This tests our otherwise solid marriage almost every month. This is a reliable pattern based on my infradian rhythm and even when I know it is coming and maybe even feel prepared for it, I can’t always prevent it from making me feel like my partner is my enemy and everything is horrible. 5-7 days out of every month, my emotions start to feel outside of my control and I tend to spiral into anxiety and feel a lot of anger toward my partner. caller: I have a hormonal mood disorder called PMDD.
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